LOVE IS HEALING

A Christian leader had just prayed for me for healing for my many medical problems. He had done it before, several times, but so far no instant miraculous healing. Then he said: ” Perhaps God thinks you need disciplining.”

He left, but I sat there feeling like he had slapped me. Did he really think that I was such a great sinner that I needed all these medical problems as punishment? That I was ill because I was somehow worse than everyone else?

I felt shocked for hours, but then I was reminded of what the bible says: That Jesus took our punishment so that we might be free, able to start a new life. God doesn’t send sickness to some of us because we are worse sinners than the others. He doesn’t punish us. Jesus took our punishment. Yes, he can heal, and he does, but if it doesn’t happen when we want it, it doesn’t mean that he is rejecting us because we are so bad. It just means that he is dealing with something else in our lives right now.

I told the same leader about an accident I had had. He  had just asked me didn’t I jump up and dance a around, hadn’t I experienced a miracle in the last week? Because he had healings and miracles on his heart.Well, no, I hadn’t. Nothing supernatural had happened. He sounded disappointed. He said:” Yes, you can take the knocks life gives, or you can live blessed.” I was puzzled. Did he see me as not blessed by God because I had medical problems? Did he see me as not blessed because I didn’t have an instant healing? Do people really believe that you’re only blessed by God if you see signs and wonders all the time and get what you want from life?

Well, I’m sorry, but that’s not what the bible says. He promised us trials and even persecution. but he also said that he would be with us through it all. And yes, there are many blessings, too, many proofs of God’s love. Being permanently ill and disabled I need his help through the day, for things which other people just do without thinking about it, because they can. He  has given me gifts and abilities which I can use to help others, and they do  not depend on physical strength. I was homeless and he gave me a home,  I had no money but he gave me food. Many times he has given me little surprises, just when I felt in need of encouragement. Am I not blessed? You bet I am!

If being blessed meant sailing through life on a cloud we would have to be taken out of this world. Jesus doesn’t do that, he wants us here to be witnesses of his love, to help and not to judge. Perhaps we would even see more healings if we did that, rather than reject and judge those who are ill. Love is healing.

Food for thought.

 

EMPTY ARMS

My empty arms are aching

For the warmth and movements

Of my little friend

 

Yesterday she was there

Today she’s not

How quickly your life can change

 

Nine years ago she stole my heart

Now it’s broken

She’s gone from me

 

She has peace now

For that I’m thankful

My broken heart will heal in time

 

Meanwhile

An empty flat

Aching arms, broken heart

 

23.02.13

From my book “Ginger – A Very Special Cat.” Published by Bramble Press 2013.

 

 

SUZY FALLS IN LOVE

One or two of the local tomcats came to serenade Suzy now and then, but she wasn’t that impressed with the local talent. Then one day she noticed Severus sunning himself outside no. 7, where he lived. Hmmm, thought Suzy, not bad, not bad. He never looked in her direction, though. How could she get him to notice her?

She started strolling in the direction of no. 7, ever so casually and in no hurry, finding lots of little things of interest to sniff on the way. No, he was still not looking her way. She walked a little bit closer, then laid down on the pavement, rolling and wriggling in the sun. “Urrgh. Urrgh.” she said. Still no response. Arrgh.

Well, I’m going to make sure he knows I’m here, thought Suzy. Boldly she walked up to him and started marking things around him, in his territory, as if she belonged there. He was still lying in the sun, didn’t move, only just about looked at her.

Now Suzy was annoyed and offended. That lazy oaf! After all her efforts! Stuff it! See if I care, she thought, marching back to her own home, ears back, to Mummy, who had watched it all and was amused.

When Severus came by the next day, Suzy was out of the door like lightning, hissing and chasing him away. She kept doing that every time she saw him, until he understood that he was not welcome anywhere near her territory.

Hell hath no fury like a female cat scorned.

 

SUZY AND MUMMY GET A RECLINER

Suzy was a rescue cat who had been lucky enough to get a new  home and a new Mummy. In her new home there were always new things to explore and learn about, and Suzy loved it.

Mummy had painful joints and was grateful to get a second hand recliner from a friend. Suzy was curious, and a little wary. A chair that moved up and down, got longer and shorter? She wasn’t sure if it was safe. The chair that had been there before she had slept on. It had been put outside by the bins. Suzy discovered it on one of her trips outside, and went to lie down on it. When indoors she kept a suspicious eye on the recliner.

The old chair was taken away. Suzy was gradually getting more used to the recliner, and decided to investigate it. She jumped up on it when Mummy wasn’t using it, and curled up on the seat. Hmmmm. Not bad at all. She decided she could sleep there and was most annoyed when Mummy wanted it. She stalked off, ears back, to lie down on Mummy’s bed.

She also tried her claws on the recliner. Brilliant, it gave her Mummy’s attention straight away! Every time she wanted to go out she scratched the chair. Mummy said “No,” but Suzy didn’t like that word, so she ignored it, ears back. She got to go out, that was the main thing.

After a while Suzy tried out the back and the arm of the chair, and found out that there was space for her to sit or even lie down. From the back of the chair she could survey her territory, just like a little mountain lion. She decided that that would also be her new favourite place to sleep. From that height she could also get up on the book units and really get a good view. Mummy could use the chair at the same time.

Suzy looked at the arm of the chair. She could sit there, next to Mummy, have a chat and a little petting, or just have company. She liked that idea. When Mummy sat down in the chair, Suzy started chatting behind her. She got up, jumped down next to Mummy, chatting. So, she and Mummy had a little chat, and Mummy petted her. Suzy purred happily, hiding her face in Mummy’s cushions. She could sit there for half an hour or more, enjoying feeling loved and secure. At times, when Mummy was on her computer, Suzy would jump up on the recliner and call her over, because she wanted a chat and a snuggle.

Mummy enjoyed the companionship and was thankful to see how trusting and loving Suzy had become  after three and a half years. She had been so stressed and traumatized. Now she had found love and security and could be the playful, affectionate animal she was meant to be.

FINDING ROOTS

I’ve been living in Daventry for nearly seven years, now, and most of that time I have, as far as I know, been the only Scandinavian here. My ancestry, however, is very international, and I have recently found out that some of my ancestors were here, long before my time.

The first one was a famous Viking chief called Ivar the Boneless. No one is entirely certain why he was called “Boneless,” but very likely he had something wrong with his legs. Apparently his men carried him into battle sitting on his shield. His disability didn’t stop him becoming a strong leader, and later King of Dublin. He died and was buried in England. They have found a Viking grave which may be his, it certainly is the grave of a man of high rank and standing. A model has been made of his head, so we have an idea of how he looked. He was about 45 years old.

There is, in Daventry, a ruin called “John O’Gaunt’s Castle.” Unfortunately the ruins have not been looked after, they’re partly buried, and there is no public access. I wish they’d let some archeologist loose in there, to find whatever there is to find, and then open it up to the public. John O’Gaunt, Duke of Lancaster and third son of Edward III, was a famous man in his own time and still known to many. John was one of my ancestors, and so were two of his three wives, Blanche of Lancaster and Katherine Swynford. John O’Gaunt had many castles, another was Kenilworth, where I went many years ago, not knowing that an ancestor of mine once owned it.

There’s something exciting and very special about finding ancestral roots like this, at least if you, like me, have no  immediate family. Not least if your ancestors turn out to be interesting characters, like these guys. You find connections, a sense of belonging, of being a part of something, which I think is important. I didn’t expect to find any connections to Daventry, that was a nice surprise.

I keep looking for more!

 

DOES GOD NOT ANSWER?

A while ago I had an MRI scan. After one and a half weeks I hadn’t heard anything about the result, so I rang my GP. “I’m afraid it’s not good news,” he said. “You have a brain tumor.” He went on to explain a bit abut where it was and recommended that I look it up on the internet. He also said that I would need another MRI scan to get a better look at the tumor and determine the treatment.

I was in shock for a couple of days. First exceptionally calm, then frightened, angry, helpless and so on. I asked a lot of people to pray. There was nothing else I could do, just wait. As my GP said, it was bad news, but good that they had found the tumor, so it could be dealt with.

I started thinking, and I know others did, about prayer. God can heal, and I have experienced it myself. Yet for many years now I’ve just got more and more medical problems. I now have 15 different medical conditions. Why? Not for lack of prayer, that’s for sure. So, does God not answer? It doesn’t seem like it.

Then recently I’ve been aware of things I hadn’t noticed because I had been so aware of the frustration, helplessness, pain and weariness of all these sicknesses. For starters, how does my body keep going with the massive battle it has against all these ailments? That is in itself a miracle. I get no help, either. Also, I’ve been healed of a skin infection which I’ve had for years.  I’m still waiting for the MRI and the decision about treatment, and I have plenty of reason to worry about it, and the outcome. Apparently the treatment can have the same effects as the tumor: problems with balance, increasing deafness, paralyzed face muscles. Amazingly, I’ve felt at peace since people started praying. I’d like it all over and done with, but in the meantime I’m just getting on with life.

So, does God not answer? Yes, he does, only not necessarily in the way we’d like or expect him to do. He is at work, he has not abandoned me. The whole situation is in his hands and he knows exactly how to deal with it.

The same applies to you, whatever your situation may be. He will not abandon you, and he has it all under control. He’s carrying the burden, you don’t need to.

What a relief!

 

 

 

FROST IN JULY

They say that time heals

Maybe that is true

I don’t know yet

 

The hurt and the pain

Have numbed me

I was so unprepared

When they rang

 

Surely it’s not true?

It must be a bad dream

You will come

Dancing through the door

Throw your arms around me

Asking what’s for dinner

 

You cannot be dead

I saw you this morning

You were so happy

So alive

How can there be frost

In  July?

 

From my book “Facets of Healing,” printed by Bramble Press 2015.